throwing myself a pity party

I don't know why i have to have so many major life happenings all in a row. Eleven weeks ago almost to the hour i gave birth to one of two of the best things that have ever happened to me. My family has been awesome and supportive but i am alone. (not part of a mom/dad team) and i'm okay with that but its hard.

at seven weeks pp i had an IUD placed. iT was excruciating! I've never experienced anything quite like it! It was worse than childbirth. It hurt to move. It hurt to stand or sit or lay or walk. I just kept pushing through because life was too busy.

grandma took a turn for the worse in her mortal body. She fought hard and long with her CF and on June 11 she finally won her battle and was released from this world and was carried away in the clouds to be home in heaven with Jesus. During her last week or so of life i was very sick. bleeding very very heavy but didn't have time to address it.

after she passed and i stopped bleeding i went to the doctor who couldn't find the strings of my IUD. So he scheduled an ultrasound. They couldn't find the IUD's placement. during this time i'm still cramping and bleeding and having trouble functioning. and to add to the mix i'm also having STOMACH (not uterine) cramps. Bloating and discomfort also.

They scheduled me for a KUB (kidney Uterus bladder) test. its an xray that shows those three things more prevolent. They saw the IUD in this test but still couldn't be sure of its placement.

so i went this morning for a pelvis CT. That finally did the trick. I am STILL cramping and bleeding. (11 weeks worth minus a few good days) but pretty much non stop since the IUD placement.

My doctors office called this afternoon and said Doc got the results of your test back and wants you to come into the office.... That can't be good is all i could think!

So i get in there and after a few seconds of beating around the bush he finally was able to tell me that the IUD has left the building. Yes thats right... its no longer in my uterus.... Its floating out and about somewhere in the great beyond of my abdominal cavity! So they have to operate to remove it. At the same time they are going to tie my tubes apparently and are talking about doing endometrial ablation. which means i'll never again be with child. Even more permanent than just the Tubal

I've never had a "true surgery" and now they are talking about knocking me out taking womanhood from me and going fishing for that silly little IUD....

thats a lot to take in in just a days time.... I was totally okay with doing a tubal because there is a chance of reversal. Not so much when it comes to burning the inside of your uterine cavity and making it uninhabitable!!! I guess its just the finality of it all and the wondering of what else i can take onto my plate within the next little bit...

I've given birth
I've become single mom of two
I've been bleeding nonstop
I've lost my grandma
I've had to help kayd through that grief
I've had an IUD placed
It ripped a hole in my uterus and is probably somewhere between my bladder and uterus
I now have to have surgery

I am still confident that everything is well and i'll be okay. I'm just worried about my upcoming adventure!!!


Did i mention that the idea of surgery scares the EVER LOVIN SHIT OUT OF ME?!?!?!